safety | the artist way week 1 field notes

25 May

the artist way v3

week_01 / recovering_a_sense_of_safety

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recovering a sense of safety: coming back home to myself

this is not my first time with this book lol. i’ve lived with morning pages for over a decade now, completed the full 12-week artist’s way journey twice before, and reread the book enough times that parts of it are basically etched into my brain forever. 😭

when i first saw the substack girlies starting the artist’s way again, i ignored it at first because babe… i literally JUST did this last year.

but somehow here i am again.

this time feels different though. less “creative self-help bootcamp” and more like a scavenger hunt for synchronicity, softness, wonder, and nervous system healing. i’m reconnecting with the part of myself that used to code neopets petpages, roleplay wolves online at 2am, and romanticize tiny details like flowers on sidewalks or sunlight on lake water.

so this website is basically my little field notes archive now. 💛

substack essay video diary chat

video_diary.mov

the artist way vlog: safety | pt 1 ✿ creative healing video diary

this week’s synchronicity

a tiny evidence folder of weird timing, lake magic, yellow flowers, internet diary portals, and nervous system safety slowly coming back online.

yellow flowers appearing during stormy walks RIGHT after u decided yellow = alignment/synchronicity ??? okay subtle universe. 🌼
moving into the new apartment by the lake and suddenly being able to BREATHE deeply again like ur body was waiting for environmental safety permissions.exe to install.
the artist’s way re-entering ur life exactlyy when ur nervous system started unclenching enough to actually feel joy again… suspicious behavior from the universe lol
substack randomly becoming ur new digital sanctuary after facebook emotionally flashbanged ur nervous system for years. tumblr daughter reincarnation arc activated.
realizing “The Artist’s Way” makes WAY more sense through IFS + Maslow’s hierarchy than christian girlboss spirituality… and immediately becoming less reactive to it. therapist brain unlocked. 🔓
ur inner child literally communicating through AOL instant messenger roleplay dialogue format because apparently healing must occur in 2007 internet typography only.
my dog loving the 1.5 mile lake loop and basically becoming ur tiny off-leash spirit guide while u collect abandoned flowers like some whimsical scavenger witch.
wet grass going from “ew sensory nightmare” to “romantic cinematic main character texture” = confirmed nervous system healing milestone.
repeatedly noticing birds, ducks, flowers, sunlight reflections, lake ripples, and tiny details ONLY after deciding presence mattered more than productivity. the love really IS in the details. 😭
writing letters to urself with stickers and goodies like a 2000s penpal girl and realizing u are literally reparenting ur younger self through whimsy. insane behavior. adorable behavior.

chapter one audiobook in the car in the rain, privacy-safe Week 1 new beginnings artifact

chapter one in the rain / new beginnings file

/field_notes/safety_log.txt

field notes: tiny observations through the week

hiking field notes privacy-safe hiking field notes artifact

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field notes zine privacy-safe nervous system field notes zine

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diaries from the field

lilac clouds at sunrise making the entire morning feel soft instead of ominous for once.
realizing the dock journaling ritual stopped feeling “productive” and started feeling sacred.
noticing how humidity felt alive and grounding instead of suffocating because i wasn’t trapped indoors spiraling anymore.
hearing audiobook narration become a comforting background cadence to my life instead of mental noise.
feeling my legs ache after the lake walk and interpreting it as evidence of living instead of exhaustion.
discovering that movement + journaling at the same time keeps my nervous system from turning walks into chores.
noticing my body relax once i stopped treating creativity like homework i needed to pass.
the emotional difference between “performing calmness” and actually feeling calmness in my body.
recognizing how often i used to monitor myself socially instead of experiencing the actual moment.
feeling weirdly emotional over tiny abandoned trail flowers because someone else overlooked beauty and i didn’t.
the sensory comfort of sitting inside afterward with damp skin, cold air conditioning, and lake views all at once.
realizing my inner child sounds playful and expressive while my inner manager sounds exhausted and defensive.
observing that my skepticism softened the second i gave myself permission to reinterpret spirituality in my own language.
the strange relief of laughing at parts of the book instead of forcing myself to revere every word.
noticing that “safety” keeps appearing as the hidden root underneath creativity, friendship, spirituality, and productivity.
feeling how much easier presence becomes when i stop trying to optimize every second of my life.
recognizing that whimsy returns naturally when my nervous system no longer thinks it’s under attack.
the tiny joy spike from someone casually saying “i might do the artist’s way with you” without obligation or pressure attached.
realizing i feel more emotionally seen by diary entries, poetry, and symbolic observations lately than by constant social commentary online.
noticing how much gentler my thoughts become when i’m near water.
feeling my body physically reject “forced inspiration” but respond instantly to curiosity and play.
understanding that part of my healing is learning the difference between isolation and peaceful solitude.
the realization that my creative voice gets louder the second i stop trying to sound impressive.
noticing that tiny rituals repeated daily are making my nervous system trust me again.

field notes photo gallery

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censored Monster Hall of Shame Week 1 artifact

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what's in my bag field explorer artifact

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/chapter_tasks/safety_audit.txt

chapter tasks

recovering_a_sense_of_safety.audit

✗make a list of people who made you feel creative, encouraged, seen, or inspired

✔make a list of the people/events that made creativity feel embarrassing, unsafe, cringe, or “not good enough”

✔write an unsent letter to one of those people

✗list alternate dream lives you secretly wish you could live

✗try embodying one of those lives in a tiny way this week

✔reconnect with childhood creative memories, toys, games, interests, aesthetics

✗draw your inner artist as a child, even if it looks goofy

✗remember moments where creativity felt joyful and alive

✔acknowledge moments where creativity got hurt or shut down

✗audit your environment and relationships: who expands you vs drains you?

status card archive

creative encouragement task archive image

✧ task: make a list of people who made you feel creative, encouraged, seen, or inspired status: ✗ avoided because vulnerability jumpscare state: grieving the realization that i often felt more emotionally seen by old internet strangers than people physically around me

censored monster hall task archive image

✧ task: make a list of the people/events that made creativity feel embarrassing, unsafe, cringe, or “not good enough” status: ✔ completed state: realizing my nervous system has been masking so long it started mistaking hypervigilance for personality

past identity unsent letter task archive image

✧ task: write an unsent letter to one of those people status: ✔ completed state: freshly realizing i was trying to survive, not communicate perfectly

✧ task: write affirmations, then notice all the mean little “blurts” your brain immediately throws back status: ✔ unfortunately 😭 state: catching my inner critic trying to turn softness into danger in real time

alternate dream lives task archive image

✧ task: list alternate dream lives you secretly wish you could live status: ✗ currently buffering state: slowly realizing my dream life might literally just be safety, whimsy, softness, creativity, and peace

dock journaling dream life task archive image

✧ task: try embodying one of those lives in a tiny way this week status: ✔ completed state: spirituality siren writing essays dockside with tiny cameras and iced coffee like the retired tumblr-girl i am

childhood creative memory task archive image

✧ task: reconnect with childhood creative memories, toys, games, interests, aesthetics status: ✔ completed state: ex-neopets html tutorial child emotionally resurrected from the dead

✧ task: remember moments where creativity felt joyful and alive status: ✔ completed state: grieving how much softer and more playful i used to feel before survival mode took over

creativity hurt or shut down task archive image

✧ task: acknowledge moments where creativity got hurt or shut down status: ✔ completed state: realizing overfunctioning became a personality trait because i thought safety had to be earned

environment and relationships audit task archive image

✧ task: audit your environment and relationships: who expands you vs drains you? status: ✔ completed with side effects state: grieving friendships while simultaneously feeling calmer, lighter, safer, and more emotionally alive without them

/diary/personal_site_energy

nikki’s diary

saved by nostalgia

♡ was having an existential crisis. then decided instead to read poetry and diary entries on substack.
♡ honestly, discovering substack this week has been a joy. i just scroll my fyp & the creative magic simply finds me, effortlessly.
♡ i re-disocvered an interest in indie personal mini zines.
♡ parts of myself I’m reconnecting with are my Internet, teenage tumblr girl era of Y2K digitalcore tortured poet child self… the one who played neopets. and learned how to code her pet pages website with a neopets HTML tutorial.
♡ identity flash back: young internet girl little Nikki? social asf. bubbly, kind, curious, empathetic, cheeky, fun, lighthearted. not so freaking serious.

₊˚⊹ ♡ ⊹˚₊

cognitive behavioral affirmations

blurts

♡ blocking was dramatic.
♡ i let myself get so hurt by the world.
♡ i abandoned myself for 20 years to please others and be liked.
♡ some environments made my nervous system feel like it had to audition for safety.

affirmations

♡ i reacted from pain, but pain does not make me irredeemable.
♡ the playful version of me still exists underneath the masking.
♡ people pleasing kept me safe once, but i do not have to abandon myself forever.
♡ i deserve environments where my nervous system can unclench naturally.

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the artist way

Nikki Connor

Nikki Connor is a 📍 Houston, Texas based photographer, digital creator, and systems-loving creative building one integrated ecosystem across multiple rooms. Through ClickNikki Photo & Boudoir, she creates cinematic, story-driven imagery centered on confidence, identity, and honest connection. Through Nikki Plans, she designs cozy, neurodivergent-friendly digital planning tools and iPad resources that support clarity without pressure. She also offers coaching and mentoring for photographers, all while loving to share her practical business management and workflow systems rooted in self-trust over hustle. Across all she does the throughline is the same: emotional safety, creative autonomy, and communication that feels real. However you work with her, you are met by the same voice, the same values, and the same steady leadership.

safety | the artist way week 1 field notes